Everything I Never Told You

Sometimes I find a good book long after it was published. The buzz around this book might be over since its 2014 debut but it was still worthy of my bookshelf. What I mean is, even though I borrowed it on my kindle, I feel the need to buy it and display it on my bookshelf at home. I don't like clutter. Sure I love the feel and smell of a real book as much as the next bookworm, but I don't like holding onto them if I'll never read them again. My bookshelf at home may be small, but it only holds books that I want to display proudly. My invisible kindle shelf would cover the span of my living room wall (or close to it). Eventually I hope my kids will read them when they become "mature readers."

This story follows the bumpy life of an interracial middle class family of five in Amercia. The caucasian mother and the asian american father battle their own insecurities throughout the book and project them onto their middle-child Lydia. For mom, Lydia has a vast amount of academic potential. For dad, she is part asian but passes for caucasian and therefore won't have to face the challenges that he did growing up. Both parents love all three of their kids; however, each is focused on Lydia which causes a lot of issues within the family. When Lydia turns up dead, the family is left wondering how a child who seemed so happy and popular could suddenly be gone forever. Her death is a shadow on the family and its up to them to find their way back from it.

Why did I enjoy such a sad story? I always try to veer away from books and movies that involve harm befalling a child. It was readable for me because her death is addressed in the book right away before we know her character. Then as the story unfolds we go back and forth in time, learning about each person in the story. When you're inside the minds of each character every situation they face seems so simple and understandable. I found myself wanting to tell characters "that's not what she meant" or "Lydia thinks this is her fault." A lot of the stress and struggle in the family stemmed from each person's perceptions and insecurities. It seemed that open conversation could have prevented a lot of their problems. Ultimately, this book was a good read even with tragedy involved.

Nerdy Thirty

Today, I am thirty years old. In my early twenties I joked that I felt thirty because of the toll my kids took on my life. Turning thirty I can appreciate how young it actually feels. It's not how I expected it to feel. I am grateful for another year of life. Not everyone is given the chance to live to the young age of thirty. I appreciate my birthdays for what they are, a celebration of another year lived on earth.

I decided to make a list of 30 things I've experienced over 30 years.

1. I've lived in two states
2. I've traveled out of the country
3. I have witnessed the birth of a loved one
4. I have felt the loss of friends and family members
5. I married a wonderful man
6. I have given birth to two beautiful children
7. I have miscarried one child
8. I swam with dolphins and stingrays in Florida
9. I've visited Disneyland and Disneyworld
10. I swam with a sea lion and seal on my honeymoon
11. In the last three years alone, I've read at least 346 books without counting textbooks from college. (Thanks Goodreads)
12. I am a few months away from finishing my Bachelors Degree
13. I started my own business. Go have a look!
14. I raised over $1,000 in my first year volunteering with Relay for Life
15. I won a free trip to Disneyland on a radio station but didn't know that until it was too late. (I'm still pained by that)
16. I won a radio contest for submitting an original quote: "Our words are like fingerprints, so choose them wisely. You'll never know the lasting impression they leave behind."
17. I learned to swim in college
18. I've had a biopsy before. No cancer here!
19. I have been in four non-serious car accidents.
20. I designed the cover of a yearbook in high school. I thought I was super cool for that.
21. I was captain of the Varsity cheer squad my senior year. Thought I was cool for that also. LOL
22. I joined a gym for my first time at 29 years old.
23. I saw Paramore in concert this year. The best concert I've ever attended.
24. I have been a Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor, and Bridesmaid. One time each. :)
25. I attended bookstore parties and bought the last two Harry Potter books at midnight of their release.
26. I cried when Dobby died. (duh.) Both in the book and the movie.
27. I cried at least 12 times when I read "The Fault in Our Stars"
28. I have met one of my favorite authors at Powell's bookstore.
29. I attended a meet and greet of Twilight actors, but hated the movie.
30. The moment I knew that my husband was truly my soulmate was when he said, "Halle is just as much mine as she is yours." I cherish those words. You can't understand how important that is to hear unless your partner is a step-parent to your child. I bet he doesn't even remember. :)

Wildflower

I had the pleasure of attending Drew Barrymore's book signing for her newly released "Wildflower". She has a fun personality and was a joy to listen to. I was moved by her personal stories that she shared with our group and I hadn't yet read them in full detail. I am very glad she came to our bookstore.

Her life story fascinates me. It is unthinkable to me that a child can become a partier and use drugs and alcohol. Even more fascinating is her ability to turn all of it around by herself. She emancipated herself at 14 and became an adult without parental guidance. She didn't just survive, she eventually thrived and is now telling her stories in the book Wildflower. Each chapter is a story that she finds significant to her life's path. Each story tells a lesson she learned or shows the impact of people in her life, such as Steven Spielberg. The chapters are not in chronological order. At her signing she explained that the book is a long love letter to her children. She understands they will hear about her untraditional childhood and mistakes. This is her way of sharing what she has learned.

I can appreciate that from her journey she learned what kind of a person and mother she needs to be. It seems that she doesn't take her position in life forgranted. As she said, she had the perfect example of what not to do as a mom. Some people don't realize that like she did, and the cycle continues. Applause to Drew for growing up without parents but instead relying on good friends and mentors. She is fortunate to have risen above her early mistakes.

This is an easy read. You can pick it up at any passing moment. If you're interested in how a child grew up to fast and yet became a responsible adult, I recommend the book. I also recommend watching "Ever After". I think it was her best movie.

I Almost Killed the Tooth Fairy

Call me lazy, but last night when my nine year old lost her tooth I almost said, "it's me! I'm the tooth fairy!" Why would I ruin the sweet belief my child has in a fairy? I was tired from the previous night of little sleep thanks to her two year old brother. When she walked out of the bathroom holding the tooth that she pulled out herself, I smiled outside while inside I said, "damnit, I have to stay awake late tonight." I am impressed that she still believes in the tooth fairy. I don't want to ruin the magic for her, but I was tempted. Lucky for her, I randomly woke up in the middle of the night and therefore placed two dollars under her pillow for the bloody tooth. Had I not woken up by chance, I would have accidentally missed the chance to make the exchange and we would have had a serious talk the next morning before school.

This morning she came out of her room holding a single dollar. I asked her if she was sure there was only one. She replied that she was sure. So I went into her room and found the other bill hiding behind her mattress. I'll be damned if the tooth fairy looks cheap. Suprisingly enough, this didn't arouse suspicion and the fairy lives on. If my eight year old stepson loses a tooth at our house I'll be considering the death of the tooth fairy once again.

Happy 8th Birthday to My Precious Love

My daughter will be 8 years old on Tuesday! This birthday post comes early because I will be with family all weekend and won’t stop to reflect on her first 8 years of life.
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Halle Joyce,

You have been the light of my life since the day you were born. I learned how to be your mom without a guidebook or internet forums. It was all instinct and lessons from your loving grandma whom you clearly adore. We started out together, sharing a bedroom, in your grandparents’ house which I’m sure you vaguely remember. We moved out when you were four after we met Garrick and Isaiah and became our own family.

I’ve loved watching you grow and develop your own brother/sister relationship with Isaiah. When you’re a mother yourself you will better understand why that matters so much to me. Though you aren’t of blood relation, both of you know that you’re siblings and love each other as such. To love so freely and without hesitance is something that I hope stays with you always.

I’ll never see a giraffe at the zoo without remembering you yelling at them “hi neck!” or “bye bye neck!” I’ll never comb your hair without remembering the short ringlet curls you had as a toddler. I will always be proud of your daily efforts to learn two languages. I will do my best to remain patient when your curious mind churns out questions about the world around you. I appreciate your desire to understand the how and why of everything. When I hear “let it snow” at Christmas time I will remember how you used to ask me to sing “frightful” to you. When you say Isaiah’s name I’ll remember how you couldn’t pronounce it with the I, and called him Zaiah. I will smile every time we kiss goodnight and you remind me “don’t close my door all the way”. With a reminder every night for the last four years I promise that I will not close it all the way.

Thank you for always listening to what I say, 90% of the time, with very little grief. You’re an amazing girl, wonderful daughter, and awesome sister. Me, Garrick, Isaiah, Grayson, and everyone who knows you, love and adores you. Thank you for being you.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 
― Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

Kisses,

Mom