Cruelty Among Girls, Is it a Rite of Passage?

My daughter's first "mean girl" experience was in Kindergarten. A girl in class brought toys and things to school and gave them to her friends but always left my daughter out. "Mommy, how come she doesn't bring one for me?" The mama bear in me wanted to attack. It hurt my heart.

Fast forward to the 6th grade, the girl drama has advanced with age. Most women will tell you that middle school was a fierce time to be a girl. We learn to be snarky, survive other girls who are snarky, and basically skate by hoping to survive social injustice in our circle of friends. We never forget these times when our whole world fell apart. My friends didn't talk to me for a week because I was "acting like a hoe" which in middle school meant I had too many friends that were boys. Mind you, I only saw them at school. It broke my little heart and instead of standing up for myself I was relieved they let me be their friend again.

My daughter was accused of snooping through her friend's phone. She swears she didn't do it, and naturally I believe her. It seems like a simple misunderstanding. Her friend forgot to close some apps but swears that she did; therefore, my daughter must have snooped in her phone. Honest simple misunderstanding, but this is 6th grade so it can't be that simple. The circle of friends has been affected.

Some of them were "50/50" in believing her while another girl stated it was "a bitch move" and they're no longer friends. I've explained that her friends probably just didn't want to choose sides. Choosing her side means that her friend is a liar. To be honest, she's not a liar. She just is honestly mistaken. Yet it has become this dark mark on their friendships. It's possible that all of them have moved on and forgotten, but my girl hasn't.

She is a quiet, shy, introvert. She likes being alone but loves her friends too. Now she is apprehensive about going to school and facing her social circle. She feels like they talk around her at lunch but don't engage with her. Is it true? To be fair, she could be imagining that because she's the one so affected. What I do know is that the kindest of girls can get trapped in these dramas even if they don't intend to be. I made it to the other side of the drama, my daughter will survive too. The challenge is convincing her that this isn't the end of the world.

I spend extra time worrying about my daughter because she's very kind and sensitive in a cruel world. Rather than deal with issues, she'd like to hide from them. We haven't entered the social media world yet and that will only add to my motherly worries. I can't shield her from all harm, duh. I only aim to guide her and teach her to stand up for herself. I don't want her to learn to hide from her troubles. I don't want her to be easily manipulated. I want her to be resilient.

Sure, many people will think I'm overthinking things and stressing too much. Go ahead and leave that comment here if you'd like. What I do know for sure is that part of the adult she will be is shaped by these experiences. I'm her mother. I've endured a whole 20 years before she came into my life. It's my job to guide her through this world and then nudge her out of the nest when she's an adult.

We don't know what lessons they will remember and which ones they'll ignore. I'll keep being there for her when she falls down. I won't pick her up and fix her problems for her, but I'll help her dust off, provide some of my "wisdom", and encourage her to keep facing her problems head-on.

Sleepless Nights - The Dark Side of Mothering

How do we find the will to survive a night without sleep when our children are sick? Why isn’t it sweet and magical like the mom giving her child Tylenol in the commercials? My 3yo son woke crying at 2am with a fever. Turning on the light to give him Tylenol meant a mini negotiation and a sticky stomach from spitting some of it out. “Take the medicine it will make you feel better.” “The monster got me mama. It made me hot.” (That was cute.) “Ok, this makes the monsters go away.”

Of course, at this point we couldn’t lay down and cuddle back to sleep. Suddenly he’s talking, and moving too much. We’re awake now! 3am we’re in mom’s room and 3yo says “I want to watch Joy.” Really kid? So I turn on Inside Out. Ten minutes in, we lose internet connection. WTF Comcast? We just talked to you on the phone hours ago. I decide it’s in the best interest of everyone if I contain the noise to my bedroom, which means rebooting the internet. So there I am, rebooting the internet in my 9yo daughter’s bedroom. Unfortunately her room is center to the house, so it just makes sense for the stupid wifi signal. “Mom? What are you doing?” “Go back to sleep, I’m just fixing the internet.” “What time is it?” …. “I think 3:30. Go back to bed.” Yeah, I’m winning at motherhood right now. Back in my room, my sick son is wearing a blanket like a cape and playing superman. Internet signal on the TV says strong, but no internet connection. Again, WTF Comcast?

Here enters Daddy, “Maybe you should just watch a dvd in the living room.” Mom has to go because for whatever reason my son is of the mindset that “Mama do it.” By it he means everything if mom is home. Otherwise yes daddy can do things. But where’s mama?

We cuddle on the couch with a movie. My son always sleeps with his own special pillow but of course tonight before climbing on the couch he adopted a second sleeping buddy. Suddenly he HAS to have the Mickey Mouse given to him on the day he was born. That meaning it has a rattle inside. It’s annoying as hell when you’re desperately trying to sleep on less than half of a couch. Somehow the smallest person takes the most space. As soon as I’d get into a form of restfulness, the mouse moved; if not the mouse, my son. At some point he has to pee and so I get up to help him. We start to resettle on the couch, and he rolls over right as I lay down. BOOM, tears in my eyes and my nose is on fire. “Ow, momma. You hurt me.” Takes deep breath, grinds teeth, “I’m sorry boo, let me kiss it.” And he’s all better.

It’s now a little after 5am, the movie is over and no we will not watch another one. It’s time for bed. “I sleep in daddy’s room.” (The other living room.) He knows I have no will power anymore. I follow him to the other couch. We cuddle up, I’m pinned on my left arm and somehow we manage sleep.

7:15 am… “Mom….Mom….” (My daughter) “WHAT?!” but really I whispered that. “It’s 7:15.” “Yea, ok. Tell Garrick to take you to school.” “Why?” “Do I look like I want to talk right now?!” I think she got the point. I now realize my arm is dead, and I’m covered in sweat. I’ve been pinned next to a sick kid and we are drenched. I get off the couch to head to bed for another short nap. I lift my shirt off and realize it’s pee. He had an accident. Neither of us seemed to notice nor care at the time.

I end this story by sharing that I love my son, I love being a mom, but everyone better just stay the hell away from me today.

Nerdy Thirty

Today, I am thirty years old. In my early twenties I joked that I felt thirty because of the toll my kids took on my life. Turning thirty I can appreciate how young it actually feels. It's not how I expected it to feel. I am grateful for another year of life. Not everyone is given the chance to live to the young age of thirty. I appreciate my birthdays for what they are, a celebration of another year lived on earth.

I decided to make a list of 30 things I've experienced over 30 years.

1. I've lived in two states
2. I've traveled out of the country
3. I have witnessed the birth of a loved one
4. I have felt the loss of friends and family members
5. I married a wonderful man
6. I have given birth to two beautiful children
7. I have miscarried one child
8. I swam with dolphins and stingrays in Florida
9. I've visited Disneyland and Disneyworld
10. I swam with a sea lion and seal on my honeymoon
11. In the last three years alone, I've read at least 346 books without counting textbooks from college. (Thanks Goodreads)
12. I am a few months away from finishing my Bachelors Degree
13. I started my own business. Go have a look!
14. I raised over $1,000 in my first year volunteering with Relay for Life
15. I won a free trip to Disneyland on a radio station but didn't know that until it was too late. (I'm still pained by that)
16. I won a radio contest for submitting an original quote: "Our words are like fingerprints, so choose them wisely. You'll never know the lasting impression they leave behind."
17. I learned to swim in college
18. I've had a biopsy before. No cancer here!
19. I have been in four non-serious car accidents.
20. I designed the cover of a yearbook in high school. I thought I was super cool for that.
21. I was captain of the Varsity cheer squad my senior year. Thought I was cool for that also. LOL
22. I joined a gym for my first time at 29 years old.
23. I saw Paramore in concert this year. The best concert I've ever attended.
24. I have been a Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor, and Bridesmaid. One time each. :)
25. I attended bookstore parties and bought the last two Harry Potter books at midnight of their release.
26. I cried when Dobby died. (duh.) Both in the book and the movie.
27. I cried at least 12 times when I read "The Fault in Our Stars"
28. I have met one of my favorite authors at Powell's bookstore.
29. I attended a meet and greet of Twilight actors, but hated the movie.
30. The moment I knew that my husband was truly my soulmate was when he said, "Halle is just as much mine as she is yours." I cherish those words. You can't understand how important that is to hear unless your partner is a step-parent to your child. I bet he doesn't even remember. :)

Happy 8th Birthday to My Precious Love

My daughter will be 8 years old on Tuesday! This birthday post comes early because I will be with family all weekend and won’t stop to reflect on her first 8 years of life.
*********

Halle Joyce,

You have been the light of my life since the day you were born. I learned how to be your mom without a guidebook or internet forums. It was all instinct and lessons from your loving grandma whom you clearly adore. We started out together, sharing a bedroom, in your grandparents’ house which I’m sure you vaguely remember. We moved out when you were four after we met Garrick and Isaiah and became our own family.

I’ve loved watching you grow and develop your own brother/sister relationship with Isaiah. When you’re a mother yourself you will better understand why that matters so much to me. Though you aren’t of blood relation, both of you know that you’re siblings and love each other as such. To love so freely and without hesitance is something that I hope stays with you always.

I’ll never see a giraffe at the zoo without remembering you yelling at them “hi neck!” or “bye bye neck!” I’ll never comb your hair without remembering the short ringlet curls you had as a toddler. I will always be proud of your daily efforts to learn two languages. I will do my best to remain patient when your curious mind churns out questions about the world around you. I appreciate your desire to understand the how and why of everything. When I hear “let it snow” at Christmas time I will remember how you used to ask me to sing “frightful” to you. When you say Isaiah’s name I’ll remember how you couldn’t pronounce it with the I, and called him Zaiah. I will smile every time we kiss goodnight and you remind me “don’t close my door all the way”. With a reminder every night for the last four years I promise that I will not close it all the way.

Thank you for always listening to what I say, 90% of the time, with very little grief. You’re an amazing girl, wonderful daughter, and awesome sister. Me, Garrick, Isaiah, Grayson, and everyone who knows you, love and adores you. Thank you for being you.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 
― Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

Kisses,

Mom

Holding on to the Light

Yesterday I had a very enlightening day. Lately I have been feeling slightly overwhelmed and over worked. I can relate this abundance of stress to having missed hot yoga for over a week now. I didn't truly appreciate how much that really does soothe me. However, I still managed to end the day feeling like I had been moved positively yesterday.

It started with a blog post shared by a friend on Facebook. It was a long blog and took some time and dedication to read it all through. When I say dedication, I mean it. The post was from a missionary who served in Africa and her story was so depressing and heart breaking that continuing to read it was difficult. I didn't see what she saw with my own eyes, but through her words I felt a change in me. Slight change, but it’s there nonetheless. She mentions that when she first returned to the states she broke into sobs in the bread aisle. There was an overwhelming variation of breads here whereas in Africa, it was white or brown, and often with mold. I recently discovered that I love “Dave’s Killer Bread” and want to continue buying it rather than get the 99 cent loaf. Before reading this blog I hadn't ever really seen the grocery store for what it was, a luxury that can’t fully be appreciated by us. This isn't to say that I hate myself and Americans and national chains of grocery stores. What I’m saying is, when I walked into the bread section after work yesterday, I saw it differently. I was thankful that I am fortunate and can choose to buy any fancy or cheap bread that I please. I am grateful.

After reading that post through (and thanking Elyse for sharing it with me) I continued to my feed and found a sad post from a friend I love dearly. After leaving her home town four years ago, she hasn't connected with an adult in her new town the way she has connected with all of us at home. Granted, we've known her since middle school and for some, years before that. I understood her point though; she missed us and needs a good local friend. She deserves a friend nearby that she can trust. I did my best to cheer her up with witty banter (ya right). I then realized that I had only made one new friend that I truly trust and we work together. If we didn't, I would literally only have friendships and acquaintances from school years. How do adults make lasting friendships as adults without finding them at work? If I knew the trick it might also work for adults to meet their partners without having to pay a dating website. At our age, if you don’t work with the person you’re meant to meet, how will you cross paths with them? Again, I’m feeling very grateful for my gifts in life.

Continuing through my news feed, I found another article worth reading. It was about working moms. I enjoyed and appreciated the article because it shed light on something working moms (and stay-at-home moms who in my mind’s eye are the same thing) often forget to pay attention to, ourselves. We live up to expectations that can be too high. How is it we are supposed to get all of it done? Be 100% available to our paying job and yet also more dedicated to the job that doesn't pay us in dollars but is definitely of more value? Sharing this post was well worth the quick share button on Facebook. I loved watching different moms from different walks of life share their opinions and what they took from it. Something so simple made a visible impact.

I really didn't stay on Facebook all day. I’m a fast reader and those things happened close together. I finished my work day and I played bunco with the work girls that evening. It was at bunco that a co-worker noticed the tattoo on my shoulder of my daughter’s zodiac symbol and her birthday in script below. I explained to her what it was and why I had it. It was then that my friend Brittany asked when I would get one for Grayson who had just turned ten months that day. I had been holding out because anything that remains on my body forever has to be PERFECT; exactly what I want it to be so I can wear it for as long as I live. I explained that I was leaning towards getting his foot print because my son has the cutest crooked toe. It’s something known in my family as “Garcia feet”. I was only resisting because I didn't want the very popular tattoo of a baby foot. I didn't have time to dwell on my “problem” because she then asked if I was going to get one for Isaiah, my step-son. Of course I was, and I told her so. I just didn't know of what yet. She seemed pleased with my answer. Wouldn't every loving step-mom do that? I realized that no, they wouldn't. Not a child that wasn't “their own”. The truth is I don’t like calling him my step-son. I do it out of respect for his mother but I would be lying if I don’t often refer to him as just a son. Do I love him the same as my other kids? No. But I don’t even love Halle the same as I do Grayson. The three of them are all very different. They each came into my life in different ways. As a surprise when I was 20, as a two year old who loved to share my grapes on a sunny day at the beach, and as a planned but troubled pregnancy that followed a prior loss of a child I didn't get to meet. Each of them holds equal size spaces in my heart. The type of love and memories attached to that love that flows through each of their spaces is different but equally beautiful. I hold each of their lives and happiness above my own.

When I finally was home for the night my whole day replayed itself in my head while I rocked Grayson back to sleep and I quietly cried. I was so thankful for so many things, and so sorry for others. I couldn't understand why I was taking the day so seriously but that wasn't important to understand. I just realized that for whatever reason I took that day and all it held very seriously. I relaxed and kissed and smiled at Grayson and just appreciated my life so much. Not everyone can say they love their life the way I love mine.

During my quiet reflection, I finally solved the mystery of my upcoming tattoos. I know exactly what I want for Grayson and Isaiah and I know where I will put them. This may seem like no big deal but it is huge for me. It has finally clicked and I can’t wait to get started. I don’t know why I was so attuned to everything yesterday but I’m glad that I was. Call me crazy, or sensitive, or too sensitive, I don’t care. I feel enlightened. My goal now is to keep holding the light.

"Have I Drooped?"

We are well into March of 2013 and I am finally returning to my blog. After I had my son Grayson on November 19^th I just didn't have the energy to do anything extra. Once I gained some energy and some much needed sleep, all I wanted to do was focus on him. Every minute possible of my twelve week maternity leave was spent with him. The house certainly wasn't kept amazingly clean. After all, when would I have another twelve weeks to spend with my son?

Aside from new baby, I've taken on a few more tasks to fill up my time. I have almost finished my two classes for winter term, I've returned to work, and I have joined the committee for Vancouver’s Relay for Life.  I have filled my plate a bit. Recently added to my load of things to do is “be healthy”. I didn't make a new year’s resolution to lose weight and I haven’t joined a gym. What I have decided is to try harder to eat better and to implement exercise. After all, I have had two kids and each day I get a little older. Things are going to droop if I don’t keep up with my health! As Debra says on Everybody Loves Raymond (I’m paraphrasing here) “When men age they become handsome and distinguished. Women have to worry about the day they get out of bed and everything hits the floor.”

That said, happy New Year! I look forward to another year of rambling and sharing here.

Grayson's Baby Suite, Part Two

My son, who will arrive in three "short" days, finally has a "bedroom". I use the quotations in the way a person would use air quotes to note sarcasm. Three days isn't short for the person carrying the baby who had pain in their back, wrists, arthritic hand and the lower lady regions. Bedroom is in air quotes because we don't have room to give the smallest person in our family their whole room. He could share with his big brother however at this age that isn't necessary. They'll share when Grayson is big enough to sleep alone in a big boy bed. (Maybe sooner if he drives me crazy in my room)

First let me tell you that I am no swanky designer and won't pretend to be. I also don't have a fancy camera so even though these will go on my pinterest boards, they aren't pinterest photo quality. I am just a working, school attending, mother of almost three who really misses the HGTV show Design on a Dime. There is no better interior designer than Lee Snider. I hope I spelled his name right.

I definitely put Grayson's suite, a.k.a. nook in our bedroom, together on a dime. I was able to pull it off for less than $500. I didn't actually spend that much because the crib and mattress were a gift from my in-laws. The dresser, and the shelf were a gift from my parents. But I bought the curtains, frames, material for the quilt, crib sheet (Organic and only $19 at PotteryBarnKids.com), and the glider chair. I was lucky to get the chair used for cheap from a friend. I couldn't fit the glider inside his small space but it sits right next to it. We spray painted it black and covered the cushions with soft gray material. We used the excess gray material for the back of the quilt. We meaning, my friend Mimi who sewed it for me. You may have seen the previews of that from Part 1 of this project.

It's not a large space, but it's made with love and belongs to our new son Grayson Charles. Mom and dad love penguins and I am glad that we were able to create a penguin theme for his space because there just isn't a penguin nursery set out there that fits for us.

The whole baby suite, face on.

Photos/quotes from "March of the Penguins" altered in Photoshop.

Right side of the suite.

Crib with quilt and sheet. No bumper.

Refurbished glider with pillows I already owned.

Perspective from our bed looking at his suite.

The Book Themed Baby Shower

Library Book Inserts as Invitations

I had a big hand in my baby shower planning. My mom and aunt who were the actual planners would tell you that it’s because I’m a control freak. True that may be however mainly it’s because I love party planning. I haven’t done it professionally, and I’ve never done it with a huge budget or with my hours being paid for. The events are always bigger and better in my brain than when they are executed. My baby shower was an exception however.

 

I’ll start with the theme. Before I knew he was a boy, and therefore would be named Grayson, I knew I wanted to have a gray baby shower. The name Grayson is coincidence I swear. I had googled party images and the grays were always my favorite. So now I needed an accent color and I just loved the idea of orange. Many months ago I saw some pictures of a Harry Potter party and absolutely loved that idea. However it was revised because one, that’s not a baby book, and two because not everyone attending would understand.

So we decided on a book theme shower. There were hardly any touches of “baby” to be seen. I wanted to skip the typical baby bottles and carriages used for décor. I’m just not into typical anything ever. The touches of “baby” were tiny gray baby blocks stuffed into the napkins at each setting, as well as baby photos of me, dad, and our own kids. Everything else was made from books: heart confetti from pages, stacked books as a vase for flowers, book “fans”, book page placemats, book page name banner, book page vases, and other tiny touches. A lot of the ideas came from pinterest and can be found on my board here Shower Inspiration Board.

Like I said, it turned out better than I had thought. I put off doing anything baby shower until after my friend’s wedding. I didn’t want to switch gears in my brain until it was over. So that left us with one month to DIY everything. In that month I was pregnant and going to school on top of caring for two kids. Little time was left for me as well as my mom and aunt to meet together and craft up the décor. While facing those challenges, the fact that it still came out so beautifully leaves me so pleased.

I painted Harry Potter on the Cake.

My friend Brittany baked a two layer stack of books cake. I painted a Harry Potter for the cover. It was the pose from Order of the Phoenix if you’re curious, one of my favorite books. I am lucky to have a friend who likes to bake.

The games were a hit! We only played two because I’m not big on the games, but they were great. One was alternate book titles. I made them up to look like books for each guest however there is a free printable of it online Alternate Titles Game. We also played a game of “Mom or Dad”. I had my mom and mother-in-law tell me stories about me and dad. The cards were made to look like bookmarks and  guests had to guess he or she for each story. Some of the stories were hilarious and some were embarrassing. It was funny to see their faces when they learned that I was the one who used to trade toys everyday on the playground in second grade.

Can I say again I’m happy with how it turned out? I am so happy with how it turned out. I had a great turn out of family and friends in attendance. Appearance wise it was awesome. The games were fun. We received plenty of needed items for Grayson, and I was able to destroy and then re-use books that were wasting space in my closet in a box. I’m a proud kindle owner and therefore was happy to use my books for something more useful than sitting. (Of course I have kept my HP books. Those are special.)

The book vases were so pretty that I kept one as décor for fall in my home.

 

 

 

 

 

                                     

Bring Home the Goodies!!

KIDS!! I have to write about my kids; all the time. Get used to it!

Today I am just anxiously thinking about my baby shower. It is in just two days. I am looking forward to celebrating that my husband and I successfully created a human being who jumps around in my womb. Let’s all jump around in joy for the little boy who will be born in around six more weeks!

This is obviously my second baby shower. Well third really because I had two when I was pregnant with my daughter. I’ll also have a fourth in two more weeks. Who says you can’t do that? I’ve seen on some chatboards that women get uncomfortable having a shower after they’ve had one child. The same feeling some women have about getting to have a second bridal shower or bachelorette party when they’re getting re-married. Who makes these wack etiquette rules? Why shouldn’t we all celebrate joyous occasions in our lives? Besides, my daughter is 6 and I’m having a boy. Was I supposed to keep everything of hers for six years when I truly wasn’t sure I’d get to have more kids? Of course not. Life has progressed and I am excited to have a shower in honor of Grayson.

A piece of this whole experience I hadn’t considered until today is how excited I am to bring Grayson’s goodies home and set up the world he will live in for the beginning of his life.  I’m realizing that it’s different to bring home a baby into your own home and with your husband. It seems minor but I realize just how much it means to me.

A piece of me will carry guilt for not bringing Halle into the world the same way. However that just wasn’t realistic of a twenty year old mom. I wouldn’t take back any of the moments of our lives leading to this point because we are in such a wonderful place now. We can’t control everything that our three kids will be exposed to in life but at least we know that with us they’re in a very healthy and safe environment.

My Tiny Dancer

My “baby” girl is growing into quite the young woman. She is enjoying the first grade and just yesterday started ballet. She is a little bit too advanced for the class I signed her up for. The instructor is going to let her try the Pre-Ballet class on Thursday and see how she likes it. My girl just wants to dance so badly. She won’t care in which class.

Halle has asked me about being able to join dance class since she was old enough to know there were such things as ballet classes. She has danced to movies, radios, and TV commercials since she was a toddler. It hasn’t stopped yet. I refer to her as my “delicate flower”. She has the capability to play sports such as baseball. She throws footballs with Garrick and Isaiah. However her heart is in dance. She is thrilled that I said she doesn’t have to play baseball and can finally dance. Joy just radiates from her.

Her nickname “delicate flower” comes from her sweet yet sensitive personality. She is my cautious, careful, and emotional little girl. Hhmm, does she get it from me? LOL

She has surprised me the last few nights. She hasn’t woken up at night the last week. She sleeps in her own room but if she wakes in the middle of the night she tends to feel scared and asks me to come tuck her in. She has been waking up proud of herself saying “mommy, I didn’t even need you last night. I woke up but I just rolled over and went back to sleep”. I’m sure that her longer days at school this year have a part to play in this. But even so, I tell her how proud I am.

Our nighttime routine is to brush teeth, read a book, and then I tuck her in to bed. At this point, I sit on the side of her bed for two minutes. Just to relax her and let her drift off. It used to be five minutes. It began when we first moved out of my mother’s house. Due to space and so many people who spoil her, she became used to sleeping with someone. When I started “boot camp” in our new place to teach her to sleep alone, this was the compromise. I don’t miss those tough days in the beginning. But I fought through it all and we made leaps in progress.

I’ve been telling Halle that soon she won’t get even two minutes of me in her room at bed time. I’m going to have a new baby that will be quite demanding. She fortunately is old enough to understand this. She also has a baby brother at her dad’s house so she’s familiar with the needs of a small baby. So yesterday morning she says she wants to try going to bed by herself after her book. I agreed willingly of course, but I was a little doubtful. My delicate flower surprised me. She fell asleep and didn’t come to my room until 7:00am to get ready for school. We were both very happy and quite impressed.

My delicate flower/ tiny dancer/ baby girl is a big and brave little woman.

Oh I'm Having a Boy!

It’s no secret that the bundle of joy in my belly is a boy. His name is Grayson. If you know me even from a distance then you already know that. Why am I bringing it up like its brand new information? Well because sometimes it catches me off guard. As if I haven’t known for months.

When I was pregnant with my daughter Halle, I day dreamed about how she would look and how she would behave. I really wanted her to have my nose. I also would have made a deal with the devil if it meant she would have my toes (no such luck unfortunately). But appearance wise, that was all that I really quote-un-quote “cared” about. I most importantly wanted her to be like me on the inside. I wanted her to inherit my kind personality. So far so good; she has a very sweet disposition. She listens well and her teachers always comment on how well behaved she is.

So what do I want for my son? Well my toes of course. Except this time it’s not as serious because Garrick’s feet aren’t awful. I just happen to have cute feet. Hear me tooting my own horn there? Other than feet, can he please be just like my husband? Obviously I adore the man or I wouldn’t have married him.

These things aren’t truly important of course. What matters is that Grayson is born healthy. This just came to mind because of a game that we played at my friends baby shower last year. We all had to guess which features she wanted for her son; mom’s or dad’s. It would be an easy win for someone at my shower because only one answer would be about me, the toes. Otherwise I hope he has dad’s beautiful skin, gorgeous eyes, and hopefully a freckle on the nose too. But what are the odds of that?

I hope he is charismatic like his dad and can pick up pretty much any sport and play it like a professional. I also hope he has good manners (I will be all over this one) and grows up to be a true gentleman like dad. He will open doors for a lady at every opportunity like his daddy does.

Halle, Isaiah, and Grayson are truly blessed to be raised by us. We don’t have much, but we have a ton of love to go around. We will never be at a loss of love and affection which matters more than material things. My daughter will know how she deserves to be treated because of the examples she will see in our household, and my boys will know how to respect a woman when they grow up for the same reason. I’m so happy I took every single good and bad step in life to land where I am today.