We All Have Hormones Right?

I’m going out on a limb when I say that the only part of pregnancy that a woman and her partner both can’t stand is the hormones. Otherwise, pregnancy is a mystical dream right? 

I had the hormones raging inside me very early. It was my first and very early indication that I might be pregnant. Suddenly my kids got on my nerves not matter what they did (sorry children, mommy loves you). I had to take deep breaths and hold my tongue a lot because I knew I was being irrational. My poor husband got a lesson in crazy from me too. I blew up about things that are so silly. One such case, he didn’t notice what pajama bottoms I was wearing to bed. I went cuckoo for cocoa puffs when he made a comment about it the next morning. I was angry and hurt that he didn’t notice the night before. Oh goodness me! 

Well that was the “old” me. Hormone raging wife and mother is in the past. I only raged like that for a few weeks in the first trimester. The problem is that my husband doesn’t know for sure if that's true. He has been scarred by my wrath. I see his face change in wonder if I get upset or mad. Internally he’s wondering how off the handle his wife is going to go this time. He is anticipating a hormone induced craze that will take over my mind and my words.

The problem that remains is how I know I feel inside. I will repeat that I hate the hormonal part of pregnancy. It has me wondering if anything I think or feel is valid. My credibility is compromised. My husband is finally starting to settle into a comfort zone, trusting that I won’t lose it at a moment’s notice. So why do I still care so much? I find myself asking friends and co-workers if I’m being unreasonable because I’m pregnant, or if my perceptions are valid. It’s hard to know for sure right now. I think I'm wise and ever knowing but maybe not.

I hate you hormones but I’m glad to have you. You’re some strange unappreciated piece of baking a healthy baby in my oven.