Two nights ago my six year old had a tough time getting to
sleep. I returned to her room about three times to assure her that her closet
was closed, her night light was on, and that Dad and I were in the house so
there was nothing to fear. Nothing could hurt her. It can be tiring on a parent
to handle this because after all we’re “all-knowing” and so sensible, that we
just KNOW there’s nothing to fear. Not to mention I’m walking up the stairs
each time which is more tiring now since I am pregnant. All of that aside, I
was patient with her. She is a young girl and I can remember how it felt to be
her twenty years ago.
When I was six, and even younger actually, I was afraid of
unknown things at night. I thought someone might climb through my window. I don’t
know how I came up with that so young. I hadn’t seen anyone do it before. I
also feared Chucky. I saw his evil doll face on TV when someone was watching
the movie and never recovered from it. My parents wouldn’t sleep in my bed and
I couldn’t always climb into theirs so I would sneak into my older brother’s. I
don’t know if this was allowed right away or if I had to sneak in there enough
times until my mom caved. I guess I’ll ask her about that. Eventually though I
remember that I’d just get tucked in and kissed good night in there and skip
the charade of me sleeping in my bed. We’d talk and play games in bed before
going to sleep. Somehow having my brother who was only two years older than me
as protection sure made me feel safe. Plus I remember thinking that if someone
came in the window they would get to him first. Oh my poor unsuspecting
brother. =]
Needless to say, I sympathize with my daughter’s nighttime fears.
I hope other parents do too because after all, they’re innocent helpless little
people dependent on us. It’s our job to make them feel safe in this dangerous
world. It is with this in mind that I got out of bed four more times around
2:00am when she would come tap me and say she was scared. I’d spend a minute or
two in there tucking her in and calming her before going back to bed. She’d try
about ten minutes alone before waking me again. Finally I decided to sit on her
bed for fifteen minutes until she knocked out. I wasn’t getting sleep in my bed
anyway. She looked so sweet and relaxed. It was sweet to my soul to see that my
presence had soothed her. I snuck out and she stayed asleep.
So I finally get to go back to my bed! I apologized to my
husband who wakes up every time I leave the bed to check if I’m ok (sweet man).
But here’s the kicker, I couldn’t go to sleep for hours! Three hours to be
exact because his watch beeps at each hour and I counted the damn beeps. There
is nothing more frustrating when you can’t sleep than to know just how long you’ve
been flipping around and fighting to lose consciousness. I was close several
times however Grayson, my unborn, likes to party in the womb at night. He kept
kicking and flailing his arms at the same time. So strong in fact that my belly
bounced on the mattress. Was he scared too? Dude, you live inside my body. How
much safer does it get?
The next morning my daughter wakes up happy as can be. Like
always she smiles and starts the day with little troubles. It’s lucky that she
was happy because mom was a grumpy and exhausted beast that morning. I wanted
nothing to do with daylight. I drove her to school then right back home to bed
where I slept through my class and later went to work. Lucky it was a day that
I start work at noon.
So now we’re through the day, and my girl is staying at
grandma’s house. I am prepped and ready for a good solid night sleep. Well,
what a nice thought that was. Instead I had a vivid nightmare of my own. It was
so realistic and about something I subconsciously always fear. Because of how
real it felt I couldn’t shake the feelings when I realized I was awake. I had
to tell my husband who realized I’d startled myself awake, how I had a terrible
dream and needed to cuddle. It took me another hour to fall asleep again at
which time I had a different bad dream. I love sleep! Why is sleep torturing
me? It should be a time of peace. Why would the mind play mean tricks?
I am fortunate that without questions my husband comforted
me. Much like a parent comforts a frightened child. My fears were silly and I
knew it but I still wanted assurance from my own protector in this dangerous
world. I am blessed that he knew that and didn’t tease me or ask me any
questions. He took great care in the morning to assure me while I was getting
ready for work too. Looks like kids aren’t the only ones who get scared at
night. The “all-knowing” parents do too.
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